So I’m one of the uberdorks that was hooked by ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars”. I admit it. No, I don’t really particularly like dancing. Its just my style of kooky show that catches my attention. (By the way, Big Brother starts Thursday…SWEET!)
Anyway, I’m sitting with my nice iced tea watching the finale where its pretty much a foregone conclusion that “Elaine’s Boss from Seinfeld” is going to win because he’s been head and shoulders better than anyone else dancing on the show since the very beginning. He’s matched up against “General Hospital Soap Star And Let’s Just Forget That She’s Employed With ABC” who has been getting better over the last few weeks, but believe me, that’s not saying all that much. This girl mysteriously made her way through three weeks of horrible dancing. Just horrid, but magically, she somehow made it through.
“Elaine’s Boss” does incredibly well in the first dance, and gets rave reviews from the judges. They give three 9’s, which is the highest score that they’ve given all season. I, of course, figured that there was no honest way that these judges could give any of these amateurs a 10 because they’d be laughed out of the dancing world. “General Hospital Skank” got two 9’s and a 7 for a lackluster performance. In the second round of dancing, “Elaine’s Boss” does even better, and garners the same round of scoring, three 9’s. “GHS” comes out, gives her version of a pole dance for a minute and a half, and faces the judges. Lo and behold, three 10’s! Perfect dancing from the woman who makes Pinnochio look like Rico Suave (ok, yeah, I’m going to the well on that one.)
Surely the judges are just trying to soften the fall for the fragile tulip, right? She suddenly lept into the lead for the evening, 55–54 with that miraculous scoring session. But no, somehow the public all of the sudden loves GHS and gives her the victory. Of course, ABC will never release the actual vote tallies and why they changed the scoring after the first week of the season. No not at all, let’s just make the starlet (who just happens to work for us) win our little competition.
I’m sure everything’s on the up and up. Riiiiight.