Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting - even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's--all here!!
To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!"
He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT ... YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Specifically free software that is actually useful rather than that three year old stuff that software companies like to give away? Try this site!
The catch is that you have to download the software that day, and install it the same day to get it activated. It is truly free, no 60 day trials or anything.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Here’s a possible solution:
Ladies and Gentlemen today is an exciting day! I am no longer banned by the Jehovah’s Witnesses. This is a major milestone in my life.
Today, I came home and found on my doorstep the first Watchtower to be rolled up and placed there in six years!
You see, it was about that long ago that Mrs. Erickson and I decided we would need separate bathrooms and a king size bed to make our marriage work. We were still just engaged at the time. So, we found a house with separate bathrooms and ordered a king size bed. On the day it was to be delivered, Mrs. Erickson went to work and I stayed home to study for the bar exam.
I had my coffee then took my shower. While in the shower, the front doorbell rang. Now, nobody ever used that door in the house. It was inconveniently located unless you were delivering large furniture — then it was the door you had to use. So, fearing I’d miss my new bed, I raced from the shower dripping wet, ran to the front door wrapping an oversized towel around my overly white, naked body (this is the point where I should point out that I am so white that my white socks look tan compared to me).
I hurled open the door, which caught on to my towel, which dropped my towel, which causes the very nice ladies from the local Jehovah’s Witnesses organization to flee. I’ve never seen them since.
But today, today they started leaving me Watchtowers again. Today is an exciting day.
They pretty much stay away from my house anymore, but for an entirely different reason. Seems like they’re pretty convinced that they can’t convert the person that lives in this house. Its a shame really, I love the looks on their faces when I ask them a few questions.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
For the end of the year blogging slowdown. I think this year I’m going to try to not make it last until about mid-February.
So your kids like to have their apples peeled before they eat them? You like to have an orange or two during the day? Take those peelings and put them in a saucepan on your stove, put some water in it and let it simmer for a while. It makes the kitchen smell really nice, like you actually did some cooking that day! No, its no ancient Chinese secret, but hey, as we’ve said before, perception is reality.
I need more tips that that one. Thanks Mom!
Friday, December 15, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Honestly, I’m tired of the wondering who’s running the Discussion Forum. Waiting for days to get a response to a thread question. No stinking private messages. I went and did it. I created a forum for me to just blithely talk to myself as much as I want. Beyond this blog that is. Its an ezboard, so its laced with popups until I decide to pony up some money for preferred status. You all are more than welcome to join up.
Monday, December 11, 2006
The loud chorus of Kumbaya that precedes any American military unit will alert anti-American terrorists that here are people who want to understand why they hate us. Surely this will cause these heartless killers to pause, and reconsider their ways.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Someone asked the question about how did the Mrs. reply to the forlorn substitute from a few posts below. She let her go on for a while, then told her that she was from Windham. The woman asked her, “Don’t you fear for your life?”
She said no, not at all, she even ventures out at night without fearing for her safety too, which drew a shocked look. To leave her car somewhere unattended, she could understand, no one really wants to do that anywhere, but its not a dangerous place to live.
I wonder if it did any good though. It goes to prove one of my theories of life, “People are stupid.” That woman proved it.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
What is up with so many kids being sick this year? Mine have had laryngitis, some random cold, this new head/cough thing, and its only December. We haven’t even had our annual Flu Turnstile start yet. Everyone knows what that is, one kid brings it home, passes it to a brother, who gives it to Dad, then to Mom, then to the other kid, then, if you’re REALLY lucky, it goes back to the first kid and you get to have another round of it or something very similar! Whee!
Its especially awesome when the sick kid starts on Friday and you have all kinds of things planned for the weekend. You know, its time to set up the Christmas tree, but watch out for Wheezes over there, dont’ pick up what she’s handing out, you won’t like it, believe me.
Then there’s the Phantom Puker who shows up in the middle of the night to do his business on your kids bed, but they don’t wake up in the process. There’s nothing like walking into a closed room with the humidifier running and getting hit with the rosy aroma of old vomit. I love being a parent!
For you folks who are reading this just after supper, I apologize for that last comment. I’m sure that just mentioning that caused you to vomit in your mouth a bit. Again, I apologize.
As much as we joke around about having a test before allowing someone to be a parent, its things like this that need to be taught to our youth in middle and high school. Don’t go handing out condoms to guys or anything, just have them take care of a sick kid for one night and remind them that kids are what happen if you have sex. Its what the whole “process” was designed for. Yeah, kids all cute and cuddly sometimes, but the other things that are hidden in the whole package are not nearly as pleasant.
Monday, December 04, 2006
You know, there are quite a few folks who come to this little blog that’s been kind of running on and off for about a year and a half now. I get all kinds, and even allow some people from Garrettsville to come over and read. There are times when I am totally amused by some of the comments on here.
A few posts below this one, the one where I relate the Mrs.’ story that was told to her, someone asks the question why I would post something like that, asks when I’m leaving, and then comes up with a “minister, huh?” comment that really doesn’t make much sense in context.
First of all, to whomever wrote that, hi! Thanks for stopping by. You’ve driven up my page views and doubled my Adspace revenue ($0.00 and counting!) for this month.
So I’m sitting back here and wondering why someone would be so offended by posting something like that and realize, its because they don’t want to face reality. That is a genuine account from someone who actually said those things. Should we bury our collective heads in the sand and run away from it? We can’t, if we ever expect to change the view of Windham as a whole. That is one of the perspectives that exist out there right now, whether we like it or not.
And yes, I’m still here. I do still plan on moving, but obviously not quickly enough for this person. According to them, when I leave, their worldview will become much better, Windham will magically become a nicer place to live, the lion will lay down with the lamb, drugs and alcoholism in town will evaporate, a thousand police officers will be able to be employed by the Village and Jesus himself will return. Unfortunately you’ll have to wait until next summer sometime. And even then, I still might just keep posting stuff about Windham.
Why? Because I can.
To the last “minister” comment, I’ve always been amused by the thought that most people seem to have that ministers/preachers are perfect in every point. Every church is plagued with people who are more than happy to put the person that fills the pulpit on a very tall pedestal, disregarding the fact that the person is just that. A person. Read your New Testament and see that Jesus wasn’t always peaches and cream in his preaching. He called people hypocrites and vipers. He got angry. He used sarcasm. He wasn’t always what most people today want in a preacher. We have the itching ears of 2 Timothy 4. If someone doesn’t fit into our mold, he’s obviously wrong and should be made fun of until he falls into line. We want to be catered to and have everything given to us on a silver platter. It doesn’t work that way, by design.
And to top it off, the author was so proud of their comment that they signed it “anonymous”. Nice lack of testicular fortitude there.
Yeah, I suppose that kind of set me off. Sorry.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
So at around 12:30 or so this afternoon, the electric flickered off here at the house just after the biggest gust of wind of the day blew through. I think I saw a few children fly by my back window, but I couldn’t open it fast enough to catch them. I know I saw a teacher with a black dress riding a bicycle too, she was saying something about a dog I think.
Anyway, later I took a drive to survey some of the damage around town since the fire siren went off at least five times, and I was flat out astonished at what I found. Befuddled. Perplexed.
There were many residents of Windham that were without power for hours this afternoon. The number of the unfortunate is simply unknown. But you know who had electricity at his house? That’s right. C. James Moore. I don’t know if this guy has a deal with the First Energy or has a pact with the great Electric Gods in the sky, but there’s something very wrong going on here. How is it fair for someone who holds a position of power to hoard electricity like that and not share it with his fellow residents? Where does he get off thinking that his power needs are greater than my own? I think that the Village Council should take a serious look at the power lines around his home and check for blatant tampering or some device that sucks electricity covertly from the surrounding homes.
Because, c’mon, everyone thinks that the guy is the source for every bad thing in town, why not blame him for the power outage?