Here’s a possible solution:
Ladies and Gentlemen today is an exciting day! I am no longer banned by the Jehovah’s Witnesses. This is a major milestone in my life.
Today, I came home and found on my doorstep the first Watchtower to be rolled up and placed there in six years!
You see, it was about that long ago that Mrs. Erickson and I decided we would need separate bathrooms and a king size bed to make our marriage work. We were still just engaged at the time. So, we found a house with separate bathrooms and ordered a king size bed. On the day it was to be delivered, Mrs. Erickson went to work and I stayed home to study for the bar exam.
I had my coffee then took my shower. While in the shower, the front doorbell rang. Now, nobody ever used that door in the house. It was inconveniently located unless you were delivering large furniture — then it was the door you had to use. So, fearing I’d miss my new bed, I raced from the shower dripping wet, ran to the front door wrapping an oversized towel around my overly white, naked body (this is the point where I should point out that I am so white that my white socks look tan compared to me).
I hurled open the door, which caught on to my towel, which dropped my towel, which causes the very nice ladies from the local Jehovah’s Witnesses organization to flee. I’ve never seen them since.
But today, today they started leaving me Watchtowers again. Today is an exciting day.
They pretty much stay away from my house anymore, but for an entirely different reason. Seems like they’re pretty convinced that they can’t convert the person that lives in this house. Its a shame really, I love the looks on their faces when I ask them a few questions.